Tim’s Nomad Diaries

The Setup

I met a friend in MaiLiao, Taiwan that had some preconceived notions of Americans . . . he was asked me, “Why do Americans not like to see an animal before it’s butchered?”

“Because we prefer to believe that meat comes from the supermarket, not from animals” I replied.

The next day he mentioned that “Taiwanese people eat dog. Would you eat dog?”

I said, “I didn’t know that Taiwanese people eat dog. I know that Koreans eat dog. Do you eat it? How is it?”

“Very delicious. You want to try?” he asked both inquisitively and as a challenge.

Not being one to back down from a challenge, but also not wanting to have a dish of dog meat put in front of me as the locals watched the squeamish American try to stomach dog meat I quickly retorted, “If you eat it, then I’ll eat it. But you eat it first.”

The Hustle

The next day I saw my friend again. We made some small chit chat before he brought up the subject of food again. “In Taiwan we eat rats.” he said proudly.

“But rats are dirty and diseased.” I said.

“Not city rats, country rats. Country rats that live in the sugarcane fields are fat, plump and delicious. Would you eat rats?”

I hesitated for a second; I didn’t know what to say. Then I remembered what I said yesterday. “If you eat it, then I’ll eat it.” My friend was surprised that an American would even consider saying that.

That afternoon I saw him again. He had obviously been thinking about our last conversation. He immediately said, “What about insects? Americans don’t eat insects. We eat crickets. We open them up and stuff them with sweet potato. Would you eat that?”

Getting a bit tired of this conversation muttered, “If you eat it, I’ll eat it.”

“Then what about dolphin? Not dolphin fish, but the mammal, like Flipper.”

“Look I’ll eat anything, but you eat it first!” I snapped back. He became quiet a bit surprised at my comment.

“Remember what you said,” he muttered as he walked past me.

The Sting

The next day he invited me to dinner and told me to remember my words. He said that a friend of his had a small restaurant downtown, and his friend would prepare a special meal for us. The restaurant was a little hole in the wall; a dirty little restaurant on a dirty little side street. The air conditioning unit was hung over the front door. The Hitachi label was half obscured by the black soot of automobile exhaust that seemed to discolor everything except the Buddhist temples. The inside was discolored white tile with cheap plastic white chairs and tables that look like they had been bought from the discount rack in the picnic and outdoor section of the local Carrefour. There was a TV in the corner. Attached to it was a dusty Karaoke VCR with a couple of microphones carelessly set on top.

We sat down at one of the tables. My friend said something in Mandarin that was way to fast for me to understand. His friend came out. He was the proprietor and in his hands were two whole rats. They had been defurred, but they were whole from head to tail. He said that we would be eating rats, dolphin, dog, and cricket.

The dishes were served family style. A big plate of deep fried crickets was placed along side bite size pieces of stir fried rat. Next to the rat was a stew made from dogmeat, ginger and vegetables. And finally a dish of triangular slices of dark looking dolphin blubber was brought to the table. All of this was served with several bottles of Taiwan Beer. But I had a feeling that I was going to run out of beer well before we ran out of food.

And so yes I ate all of these. What were they like?

Cricket: Cricket is amazing. The crickets were stuffed with Sweet potato slices and deep fried. With my eyes closed I would swear that I was eating a new kind of chip from Frito-Lay. These are crunchy and flavorful in a greasy snack sort of way, I’m sure that I could go through a bowl of them during a ballgame and wash them down with a couple of beers. If you closed your eyes, I’m sure you could too.

Dolphin: Dolphin is tough. I mean really tough. Eating dolphin meat is what I imagine eating scraps from the bin at the Michellin shop would be like. Dolphin blubber is really hard to eat and has a unappetizing smell. Unlike bacon (which is fatty and smells and tastes great), strips of dolphin blubber taste a bit plasticy. If whale blubber tastes similar, then I have to ask the Japanese and the Inuit, “What’s the point?”

Rats: If I didn’t know it was rat, I would swear it was rabbit. The texture is the same and the size of the bones is similar. The texture and look of the meat is between red beef and white meat chicken. It’s very lean and has a slightly gamey flavor. I believe that it would make a good addition to a heart healthy diet.

Dog: Though many Asians claim that eating dogmeat increases a man’s sexual prowess; I’ve always wanted to try dog simply because most people I know claim that they wouldn’t or claim that they couldn’t. I figured that if I was man enough to play with Fido, then I was man enough to eat Fido. The meat is very similar to beef. But it was hard to look at the bones. The bones were too small to be beef. They were a dead giveaway that Fido was looking up at me from the plate. That made it hard to eat. I tried to imagine all the yippy dogs that kept me up at night and all the stupid dogs that chased my bike. But it was still hard. But I ate it. Looking back and reflecting upon the evening, the dog was the last dish that was brought out. I was probably already full. I probably wasn’t hungry enough. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

MaiLiao, Taiwan: