After picking me up in his car upon my arrival at Kuala Lumpur, Mathew and I had a lot to talk about. The first Hospitality Host that I’ve had in nearly three months, Mathew is a truly dynamic person; a copywriter by trade, with degrees in Business, Law, an advanced degree in Theology, and currently weighing in on earning a degree in Nutrition. With both of us sharing an intense passion for self-improvement and learning about anything and everything, we immediately hit it off, chatting up a storm.
When we arrived at his home, his wife and five year old son warmly greeted us. Once getting settled down, his wife of six years, Priss, and I commenced in the obligatory get-to-know-each other conversation. When she inquired about my ‘home’, North Carolina, I gave my standard response that I have become so accustomed to reciting during my days of being a ‘professional guest’: home to some wonderful landscape–the mighty Appalachian mountain range to the West and pristine long beaches to the East–as well as generally friendly and laid-back people.
These views are definitely representative of how I feel, but I tend to withhold another important yet less rosy analysis: mainly, the lack of critical thinking among much of the populace of the US South, of which North Carolina belongs to. The reasons for not fully revealing my true sentiments are obvious: agreeable guests tend to be good guests, and as a guest, as is true with most situations for that matter, it’s usually a good idea to not come across as too contentious and offensive.
Sensing an air of intellectualism and openness among this household, however, I do give my ‘uncensored’ North Carolina review. Priss actively listens, and asks me to expound on what I mean by saying “lack of critical thinking”; I respond by citing the widespread oversimplification of ideas into dualistic good vs. evil terms, narrow-mindedness towards new ideas and cultures, as well as mentioning the whole ‘Bible-Belt card’.
She didn’t understand what I meant by ‘Bible-Belt’ so I explain the strong word-for-word biblical following that so many Southerners espouse, but, at the same time, the appropriately selective passages to believe and practice (i.e. condemning to hell homosexuality, which is explicitly mentioned in four passages in all 64 books of the bible, while forgetting about the ‘inconvenient’ passages which consume much more attention), as well as giving as an example the absurdity regarding the evolution vs. creationism debate within which should be taught in schools. While belittling the idea of so many people having such faith in something that is so openly disproved, and even add scoffingly “only through the genius of American media can creationism be called the oxymoronic term ‘Intelligent Design’, and a topic open for debate in the first place”.
Meanwhile, during my little Bible-Belt explanation (explanation is euphemistic; more like ass hole in full tirade rant), Priss is attentively nodding along giving the routine ‘ok’ or ‘ya’ until Mathew interjects: “Honey, I don’t think you understand. What Tim is saying, is that he doesn’t believe in evolution. You see, my wife believes the whole Adam and Eve biblical view.” The next five seconds or so, after my pathetic hesitant “oh” was undoubtedly the most uncomfortable silence in my life; if the passage-way underneath the couch was just a tad larger I surely would have hidden for cover.
Later that night, after his son and wife were tucked in bed and we we were enjoying a few beers on the balcony, Mathew told me how his wife is a 110% God-fearing Catholic whom believes in the Bible word-for-word. He insisted, however, that Priss wasn’t offended in the slightest because, although she is unwaivering in her religious convictions, she is nonetheless very open to alternate views; he himself has critically debated with her on the topic countless of times in the past to no avail in changing her, and has come to accept their difference in views.
Besides highlighting how thoughtless and callous I can be, this little anecdote also serves as a valuable life learning lesson: make sure to know your audience, specifically if discussing anything potentially confrontational or offensive–Don’t be stuck red-faced and holding on to a bad assumption like I was. From every situation that we find ourselves, there’s always some lesson for us to take away, and this idea is one of the main reasons why I love the whole idea behind an organization such as Hospitality Club.
By putting ourselves in a wide variety of environments and connecting with all these people that have such different experiences, we allow ourselves opportunities for learning and self-improvement that are astounding–whether it be growth in knowledge of a specific area, improved interpersonal skills, cultural understanding, or whatever. Although to some people Hospitality Club is just about finding a free place to crash when traveling, I view it as so much more; to me, HC represents a view of life that focuses on sharing, learning, and living. It gives me much faith in humanity knowing that there are so many interesting and passionate people out there in the world in which we can connect with in an instant.
So far since being in Malaysia, I have already stayed with HC members originating from each of the three main ethnic populations: an Indian (Mathew), a Chinese (Chunting), and an indigenous Malay (Arafat). Besides for an incredible selection of cuisine, Malaysia also reminds me a lot of America with the heterogeneous population, as well as the amazing and diverse landscape. Combining this with great infrastructure, very kind and English speaking locals, and a super-low currency, it seems quite mind-boggling to me how this country isn’t on the top of more tourists’ destinations.
For the past week I have been staying with another HC member Kong. Kong is a kite surfing instructior and owns a guest house that specializes in a wide range of extreme sports, such as kayaking, wakeboarding, mountain biking, windsurfing, and any activity that you could possibly envision involving a kite. I’ve got a pretty good deal worked out here, where I have been helping out a little with the activities in exchange for free board, lessons, and use of equipment. Being a huge outdoor sports enthisiast, I’m obviosly not in a rush to leave here!
I also made my second appearance on National television in SE Asia on the Malaysian TV series “Trippin”. Kong had his half-hour of fame giving kite surfing lessons to the feisty 90 lb. host Rina. Due to some wickedly strong wind and the lack of a properly sized kite to fit her tiny frame, Rina couldn’t make it up on the board. It sure was fun watching her try though!
6 Responses to “Lessons Learned on Living Life”
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January 29th, 2007 at 6:14 am
Interesting entry!
Question: When you discovered that Priss held the very belief that you were portaying as “absurd”, did that- maybe subconsciously- give you a more negatively-inclined and less-comfortable impression of her? More negative regarding her intelligence, maybe? Did you feel less inclined to openly verbalize your ideas and feelings about issues, maybe?
Did her beliefs- so widely different from yours- cause you to feel less “free”– less able to “be yourself” around her? Or were you able to just ACCEPT the fact that she holds a different view of the nature of reality, and not let that interfere with your sense of verbal freedom and relaxed enjoyment around her?
It seems to me that Mathew and Priss must both be really exceptional people, because although they seem to each hold conflicting “world-views” (assuming that Mathew is not bound to Biblically-based truth), they are able to love each other and accept each other as having the RIGHT to hold an opposing “world-view”, even though they don’t believe in it. That the other holds a different notion of the basis of “truth” does not seem to lessen their repect for that person….
It takes a very developed individual to be able to do this. I know that although I see myself as being “accepting” of different points of view- different beliefs- I often find myself secretly “looking down” upon people who hold beliefs- attitudea- which I think are completely misguided. I would have a hard time, for example, being married to someone who held Biblical writings to be Literal Truth. I would question the analytical abilities of such a person, for example. I would not have QUITE as much respect for this person, I think, than I would have for a person having similar “world-view” beliefs as myself, no matter what other great qualities that person had.
But both Mathew and Priss seem to be able to accept their differences in beliefs without having it effect their respect for each other.
Therefore, I must question: When I say “I am accepting of different beliefs”- what exactly do I MEAN by this??? Do I mean that I think all beliefs are equally “valid”? Equally “true”? Or do I just mean that I think that all people have a RIGHT to hold their own beliefs, no matter how rediculous I find these beliefs to be? And is THAT real acceptance?
Hmmm…. I have the feeling that I am not as accepting as I THOUGHT I was….
I’ve gotta think more about this…. Love from Nita
February 2nd, 2007 at 3:27 am
Your right, Nita, both Mathew and Priss are incredible people, and still it amazes me how they both can get along so well over such a long period of time with having such different and contrasting world views. The other day I asked Mathew what their ’secret’ has been; he told me that the key is their strong communication with each other. “We can both tell each other anything, and we often still leave Shane (their son) with someone and go to a tea shop and talk for hours, just like we did in the beginning of our relationship”.
For Mathew and Priss, their excellent communication skills bridge the gap posed by their different interpretation of reality. The lack of this highly important LEARNED ability is a probable reason for the huge strain on most relationships that different religions/philosophies pose. I think back to my Economics of the Family’ course at Undergrad and remember my professor emphasizing how religious difference is the number one predictor (or better yet correlate) to the future success or failure of a marriage.
Addressing your questions as to whether or not my behavior changed upon realizing she had a worldview that I considered ‘absurd’, yea, of course it did–it would be pretty stupid to go on with another rant belittling her beliefs. That’s just common sense though, no? Just because I value philosophy highly doesn’t mean everyone else should, and going on about any topic that’s contradictory towards somebody’s belief system–especially in a non-constructive manner–sure as hell ain’t gonna win no friends.
My perception of her also changed: I learned something new about her, so naturally I view her in a different frame of mind.
Is this change positive or negative? Neither: her ideas of how the world is are a product of the environment and experiences that she has been exposed to; who am I to judge? I have certainly met a number of people that espouse doctrines that I consider to be ‘misguided’ that are far more intelligent then myself.
Would I have said the same thing a few years back? Certainly not; but through meeting a whole bunch of different people and embracing environments conducive to change, I have learned (or better yet am in the process of learning!) that one really limits themselves in life by only accepting another person’s ‘right’ but not ‘value’, in regards to differing views.
Still I have nowhere close to the ‘true’ level of acceptance as does Mathew; but, life after all is a work in progress, right?
February 2nd, 2007 at 3:51 am
“How could I tell them that my knowing was the knowing that the substance of my bones and their bones and the bones of the dead men in the rain at night is the common individual substance that is everlastingly tranquil and blissful?”
February 2nd, 2007 at 3:59 am
Ahh just finished ‘Dharma Bums’, heh CAleb? Most beautiful love story that I’ve ever read: the long journey of a man falling in love with God…
February 3rd, 2007 at 7:44 pm
hey tim… were u at batu caves the other day? i bet u cancelled the trip…lol… how’s everything so far? when r u gonna put a new entry? the name of the host is RINA OMAR btw, not RITA..
February 5th, 2007 at 6:45 am
King, good to hear from ya and thanks for the heads up with the spelling correction. And yes, I did make it out to the Batu caves and Thaipusam, and the next entry will be up soon. Be patient my little one.
Thanks again for the great hospitality, it was a blast at your guest house. Whenever your in need of a trained professional kite-caddy just let me know–I’ll ask around for ya!